despair into hope

I despair of my ability ever to change myself into a better man than I am. I have been trying to do so for 27 years of the 50 I have been alive but just can’t seem to do it. I pray to be freed from my laziness, loneliness, fear, and anger but I turn my head and there they are. Can God do for me what I can’t do for myself or is it possible that I can do it for myself and am I just not willing? Today is a day. My back suddenly began to hurt again. I think it is from too much sitting around. I have been officially unemployed for one month and 3 days. I am in love (or just involved) with a woman who sometimes I don't understand. I am trying to write but my focus is too weak to stick with it for more than a few minutes. Help me, God.